Blob Speak

When The Blob speaks, the meaning is inverted

I call it "Blob Speak". You can always decipher what the "corporate-owned-news" (CON) and their masters actually mean by reversing the meaning. So "Chinese aggression" is actually US aggression. Nicholas Maduro is called a "dictator", because he is a democratically elected socialist (the opposite of a dictator). "Free Markets" mean rigged, anti-worker capitalism where capital is free to do anything it wants, but labor is powerless and not at all free to unionize or bargain for better conditions. Unprovoked US military aggression around the globe is always "defensive" in nature.  You get the idea, just reverse the meaning and things will become clear.

So some translational instruction is in order, and we can start with illustrative examples.

The Department of Defense (DoD) is now always on the offense, so if we are to translate Blob Speak we need to think of it as the Department of War (DoW, like it was more honestly called during WWII).

In Blob Speak, “Free Speech” only really refers to what rich people say in newspapers and on TV, so in reality it is really, really expensive speech, and anything but free. Think of it as Paid Speech and you won’t get so befuddled when the talking heads clamor about it.

In Blob Speak, brutal Israeli military attacks on virtually defenseless Palestinians are “clashes” where Israel has “the right to defend itself”. This particular language reversal is repeated in virtually all cases where aggression by a member state of The Blob is definitively and unwaveringly called “defense”. Of course, this also means that any defensive action by a non-member state must be declared “aggression”. Think “Russian aggression” for even moving troops around inside Russian territory, or “Chinese aggression” for sailing ships into the South China Sea.

What is most interesting, and telling, about Blob Speak is its absolute uniformity. You never hear a Blob Spokesperson deviate from the script, regardless of what CON outlet you turn to. What makes it so interesting is how there isn’t any memo sent around, as far as anyone can tell. All of The Blob’s minions know the script, without having to be told. They’ve been absorbed long enough to know where their bread is buttered, and how to advance through the ranks of The Blob’s megaphone machine.

Things can get a bit more complicated when a full reversal of the meaning becomes clearly unworkable (laughable). For example, in Blob Speak, you couldn’t get away with calling torture “pampering” (although they probably thought about it). So instead, The Blob came up with “enhanced interrogation” because everyone knows that enhancing is good.

When you are in the business of manufacturing consent for the intolerable, you need to change the meaning of the language. You can’t call it like you see it as a CON spokesperson, because you won’t keep your job for long if you do.

The Blob’s use of the word “democracy” is always notable for its use in extremely non-democratic situations, and its absence when talking about socialists elected to office with overwhelming majorities of voters in Central and South American countries.

“Fake News” in Blob Speak means anything that does not conform to Blob Speak.

We can’t forget to get to “National Security”. We are told that our military is in some far-off region of the earth to “stabilize” the region, which in virtually every case means destabilize the occupied country, for example, Libya, Syria, Iraq and Afghanistan. Destabilized countries pose less of a future threat to The Blob’s hegemony than stable, prosperous countries. “National Security” in Blob Speak simply means job security for the Blob’s military wing. You don’t protect actual national security by threatening China in the South China Sea with naval fleets and B52 flyovers. But doing so definitely protects military funding. It is interesting that “National Security” does not involve waiving patent rights on COVID-19 vaccines to get the world vaccinated as quickly and efficiently as possible. Apparently, the unnecessary death of people in this country and around the world is not a matter of “National Security”. “National Security” is The Blob’s way of saying “Blob Security” and nothing more.

You can’t talk about Blob Speak without discussing the Blob Indoctrinated Television Chattering Heads (BITCHs). If you want to make it to the ranks of the BITCHs, you need to excel at Blob Speak and you need to deliver it with impact and emotion. You can’t be a corporate BITCH if you are a tree-hugging, goody two-shoes. You need to have your chattering head screwed on straight, and you need to understand your role in “perception management”, also known as “narrative control”. These are Blob Speak for propaganda. If you can do that without remorse or conscience, you too can become a corporate BITCH.

Never forget that CON BITCHs have a double-vested interest in maintaining Blob Speak; first and foremost, keeping their jobs and enormous salaries and second, saving face for all the Blob Speak they have spewed over the years. If that narrative management ever broke down in any serious way, they would be humiliated. That, of course, assumes that you can in fact humiliate a corporate BITCH.

Don’t for a second think that BITCHs believe what they say. They may think they do on some completely superficial level, like anyone doing something wrong and justifying it in their own mind. They know they are involved in perception management and that they are spinning things the way their masters want them spun. They are brownnosing for Blob brownie points. They know it. In fact, George Orwell told you this when he wrote of Big Brother:

“War is peace.

Freedom is slavery.

Ignorance is strength.”*

Reversing the meaning of what you say has a long history among proponents of CON propaganda.

You can always find great examples of extreme Blob Speak in the current CON news cycle, for example, the open letter from Blob retiree Generals and Admirals who declared that Joe Biden is ushering in a "Marxist form of tyrannical government". You know, the Joe Biden who has been one of the most conservative, pro-corporate, pro-war Democrats in Congress for decades (and the Joe Biden who recently submitted a budget requesting an increase in military spending over what Trump last requested). In Blob Speak, “Marxist form of tyrannical government” means “Joe Biden is going to raise taxes on people like me!!”

The Blob has Spoken

*George Orwell also wrote: “In the past, the ruling groups of all countries, although they might recognize their common interest and therefore limit the destructiveness of war, did fight against one another, and the victor always plundered the vanquished. In our own day they are not fighting against one another at all. The war is waged by each ruling group against its own subjects, and the object of the war is not to make or prevent conquests of territory, but to keep the structure of society intact.”